how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
