Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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