Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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