GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
