Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
