I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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