well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
