Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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