Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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