i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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