My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
