My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
