yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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