I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
even my farts smell like vagina
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
