At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
