He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
