I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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