White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
