we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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