Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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