just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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