The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
