My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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