weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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