put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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