I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up under a house in Key West
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
