God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
