oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I didn't notice because vodka
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
