His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
