this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
