I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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