i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
