The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
