I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
