i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
