i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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