There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
