like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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