You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
