just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize