My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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