we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
that is very illegal...i love you.
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