New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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