Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
