He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
