Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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