Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
