Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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