I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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