well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have tasted many bathrooms
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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