My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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