Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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