btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
