She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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