i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
