ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
