if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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