I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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