My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
