I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
