my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Every concussion has its silver lining
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
