I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
