She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
