He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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