my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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