Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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