My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
