so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
