I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize