I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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