Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
